I’ve often encountered such words as ‘aggression’ or ‘violence’ when reading about autism. Perhaps it seems like aggression/violence, but let’s look at it from a different perspective.
Those who work with so-called aloof/withdrawn children know how hard it is to reach them and involve them in any activity. These children seem very happy in their own world and are not motivated to reach out. Whereas, those whom we call ‘challenging’ (and yes, ‘aggressive’/‘violent’) are highly motivated to be part of society – as one of my autistic friends (in reports – ‘prone to aggression’) says, ‘I’ve always wanted to fit in, to belong to my family, to our community, to the mainstream society. I wanted to do everything others did, despite my restrictions (being easily overloaded in crowded places and intolerant to noise and the sounds others seem to be ignorant of). Well, in many cases it didn’t work. It’s very frustrating.’
I can relate to that as I see how desperately my son wants to participate in whatever we do as a family. To help him I started a desensitisation programme when he was very young – exposing him to many experiences in small doses, and giving him the power to control how much (stimulation) and how long he can cope with it. It worked, and in a few years we were able to go to many different places and enjoy many activities together. However, I’ve made a few mistakes on the way.
For example, after he enjoyed one of the longest films he’d experienced at the cinema the first ‘Harry Potter’, we decided to go and watch the last James Bond film starring Pierce Brosnan a decision I regretted 40 minutes into the film. The sound was too loud, there were too many flashing images on the screen and people were crunching popcorn… I saw my boy wasn’t coping – kicking the seat in front of him, shouting ‘Stop it!’ He needed to get out as soon as possible, but my suggestion to go out was met with his loud protestations: ‘No, no, no! I want to watch it. We are a family.’ The situation went from bad to worse with help from the audience. There were two battles going on: one, between James Bond and the bad guy, and the other, between my son and me. For some reason people in the cinema were much more interested in the outcome of the second battle (perhaps because they were sure that Bond would win anyway). I tried to persuade my son to go out by promising everything under the sun (starting with ice cream and ending with a trip to Mars) while attempting to minimise the damage caused by his ‘aggression’, and I eventually succeeded. Outside the cinema we were both crying, overwhelmed with the experience, with my son sobbing ‘I didn’t want to hurt you’, and me blaming myself for exposing him to such a torturous environment.
It is important to remember that when an autistic child exhibits what looks like aggression, this doesn’t necessarily mean that it is malicious behaviour; rather, it often shows that the child is not coping and is not in control of his or her action.
PS: I don’t remember the name of the film, – and I’m not sure I want to know ☺ – as the experience was too traumatic. (Whenever it is on TV, I always switch to a different channel.)
Written by Olga Bogdashina on behalf of Integrated Treatment Services